Life always happens day in and day out, whether or not we feel like escaping. Designing, I told myself, was the opposite of escaping. In the context of escaping life, however, I see capturing my life as redesigning it, conjuring happy thoughts of new beginnings and changes we think might help make our lives work better.

I could sense a question loitering just outside my consciousness that wouldn’t form into words. It was about my rapid loss of love and light, and energetic vibration. I dislike the words high and low vibration. It seems they are used to judge people and their lives. Being human is sometimes messy and chaotic, just as it is sometimes synchronistic and flowing.

What's it like to put words on the screen at half the speed I'm used to? Laborious is the word that comes to mind, although my brain also seems to be working at half speed as well. To write a blog, you need to plan your time around fatigue, pain management, doctor's visits, and reduced mobility for all the tasks involved, like getting dressed, unscrewing pill bottles, and the mayonnaise lid that's always screwed on too tightly.

The first side is very familiar to me. I waffle and wait, letting my emotions cloud clear thinking. Sometimes the waiting decides for me. Change interrupts and forces us to explore options.