The Transformation Artists

“It’s like you, only better,” said Jacqueline Kent. It seemed like an oxymoron to me. How can the experience of a photo shoot be authentically transformative? Surely it’s just a change based on the expertise of the hair, makeup, and wardrobe people plus the magic of a gifted photographer. I had to admit, I was skeptical, but something urged me to sign up for the photoshoot.

I have always been uncomfortable in front of a camera. When others were goofy or smiling broadly for the lens, I was trying to hide. My life's pictures are full of various attempts to smile or look natural while feeling like something was staring at me. Being the focus of the camera felt like another level of revealing myself, so as part of my preparation for this photo shoot, I dug a little deeper into who I was revealing. I’m glad I did because I uncovered a nasty habit. I told myself I wanted to uplift people, but staring me in the face was someone with self-serving behavior. I had a belief, no doubt left over from grade school, that if I appeared less beautiful, less smart, less aware, people would like me more. I didn’t think of the demeaning messages I was sending to myself and that I was only enabling other people’s habit of comparing themselves with others to feel superior.

The shift happened as I made peace with the scripts of my youth that had taken up residence in my brain. “You look interesting, like Eleanor Roosevelt,” my mother said. “Alice the Goon, the big, fat baboon,” taunted my classmates, even though I was actually skinny then, and on and on. The saving grace was remembering what a wise teacher said one day, “Everyone blooms in their own time, and some of you are just late bloomers.” I’ve no idea what else he taught that day, but I remember my heart lurching in a flash of understanding. That’s me, I thought, “I’m a late bloomer.” Hope stirred possibilities deep inside.

I also tackled the subject of beauty. What was it? Was I beautiful? Is everyone beautiful? I wrestled with this subject in a previous blog post, Beauty & the Beasties posted on July 27, 2023. I knew I loved myself, but why didn't that seem to apply to my appearance? The simple answer is that my facial features aren't what's pretty where I live. It would take a superb transformation artist to change this face from just interesting to gorgeous. Somehow that thought shifted unexpectedly away from looking at myself to seeing others with fresh eyes that saw beauty everywhere. I shivered with goosebumps as it sank in. I got it. Beauty is inside everyone, and when we believe we are beautiful, we see each other through that lens, as beautiful. Hope and possibilities vanished. I was beautiful, and it didn’t feel at all strange.

Clothing and body image were next. What would look stunning and feel authentically me? Oh no, another script rippled through my mind. Rubens would hunt me down to paint my pear-shaped body. OK, it wasn't really a put-down, but I felt a glimmer of longing for the legs of my youth. The script didn’t hurt much this time as I laughed at myself. Are you kidding? Strong, reliable hips, legs, and ankles are very much appreciated.

Re-energized, I pulled everything out of my closet that was black and white, my favorite colors. Then I went to second-hand stores looking for special pieces and found a Joseph Ribkoff asymmetrical top and a long dress with a Picasso-like design on one side. They made me smile as I tried them on. I also found a couple of outfits that I loved and looked gorgeous on the hanger but didn't feel at all like me when I put them on. Goodbye, designer Italian dress. Sayonara indigo silk handmade gown. What did I finally decide? I chose everything that was a little different and interesting that made me feel really amazing. Hmm, different and interesting? Didn't my mom say I looked interesting?

The artistry of Ida-Marie Huska of Huska Hair transformed my hair. She always listens to my creative ideas and uses her amazing cutting and color skills to give me healthy, shiny, and great-looking hair that suits my face, age, and personality. This is difficult because I constantly come up with different ideas for my very fine-textured hair, which Ida-Marie interprets masterfully. The bonus for me is that I can usually brush it and it looks great despite my lack of skill in this area. Thank goodness I love the “messy” look.

The different parts of me—attitude, wardrobe, and hair—were coalescing into a beautiful whole. I worked on losing COVID weight for months and lost 20 pounds. Best of all, I have my walking legs back. Finally, it was the day of the photoshoot. A gorgeous house and photo studio were all set. Healthy snacks, water, and coffee were on hand, with music playing. A rack of clothing fit for any style, shape, and mood stood ready, just in case. Then we began.

I’m struggling for the words to describe what happened over the next 3 hours. Rachel began her artistry on my face. Her hands were like butterflies as she prepared my skin with the most delightfully scented mixtures. My face felt like it was drinking the most exquisite liquid after being parched for days. Jacqueline picked up her camera, shooting all the way through the process, through our conversation about art and transformation and why we had all come together to help reveal the woman, the me that wanted expression. Somehow, these transformation artists were creating the canvas that was me. Somehow, all the probing work to express myself honestly took the form of sculpting eyes, lips, contours, and both Rachel and Jacqueline intuitively seeing the unseen through a face and a lens.

Jacqueline arranged backdrops and lighting, and then provided expert instruction on how I could move to capture my best angles. I was not afraid of the camera nor what I looked like anymore. The artists did their work with integrity, professionalism, and mastery, and they enveloped me in their art.

The experience had a profound effect on me. I will always see myself now as the beautiful work of art these amazing transformation artists drew from the canvas that was me.

I felt honored.

I looked like me, only better.

I was authentically me, and beautiful.