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Ego Hat


This hat was one my favourites. Snug enough to withstand ocean gales that assaulted our shores and warm enough to keep my head toasty when it snowed. It's design was a much loved combination of slouch, captain's hat and beret.


I wore it for many winters and somehow I stood taller, felt more confident and believed, in this hat, I was different and proud of it. This particular day I put on a large wool cape, a coordinating scarf and purse, a tiger-eye bracelet and the finishing touch, my hat. Coordinated and ready to face the world, I stopped at a local coffee shop to stock up on coffee beans and buy a new coffee grinder. The old one was on its last legs.


It was with great pleasure that I took this hat out of my winter box this year and wore it again for the first time to go to a workshop a couple of Saturdays ago. I put on a cream-coloured quilted jacket that looked just the right amount of different, but wouldn't outshine the hat.


By the time we got to the workshop in Vancouver, my head was dripping with sweat. It was a short walk from the ferry to the workshop but the ferry was running behind so we booted it all the way there. I had to take the hat off to dry my hair. Long story short, I put my hat on the floor on top of the workshop brochure we were given and didn't think about it again until we were walking back to the ferry on our way back home.


The workshop leader was an amazing person, humble, open, and her desire to be of service to us radiated from her. She had the unmistakable aura of a true leader. There was no ego running an agenda that I could sense nor were there any sales talks. It was a combination of hands-on healing and teaching. Sometimes when one goes to these types of events, the participants leave the event with a particular kind of 'high'. I call it the 'seminar high'. It can last for days after the event and then you come crashing down as life goes on and you realize you're pretty much the same as you were before the event.


I've been to those and didn't like the promises stated that never seemed to last. Of course, it could have been me wanting so very much to change and then as time passed realizing with sadness that I hadn't. Before my journey inward to remember who I was, I went to scores of seminars, webinars and took many classes from people who, I thought, had the answer to my growing sense that I was missing something. I was but that's another story! (Dem Bones)


Unlike those other productions, in this workshop, the leader asked for feedback and wanted to know how we were being impacted in real time. The feedback given was not sensationalism or wishful thinking. There were changes experienced. I experienced changes and wrote about them. (Do What Makes Your Heart Sing) I had the sense these changes would be important as I went deeper into my mission and purpose as author/healer/visionary.


My mission is clear and it's evolving as I am. Right now I love writing and sharing with you about what I've experienced from my very real life of trials, indecision, confusion, the pain of mistakes and forgiveness to visions, dreams, connection with soul and states of peace, wholeness, grace and joy. Am I 'there' yet? I don't think I'll be 'there' until I leave this earth, but that means I get to grow, change and evolve for the rest of my life. My greatest joy is that you, dear readers, find something in my writing you can connect with and it expands your life in a profound way.


We were hurrying, again, to catch the last ferry back to the Island and wanted to have a cup of coffee to go with our supper already packed in our bags. I did a last quick look around at the workshop and didn't see anything on the floor. When I looked in my bag for my hat, it wasn't there. The hat I loved decided to go walkabout. I was angry at myself for not looking around more carefully, but we were too far from the workshop building to go back again and in very real danger of not getting on the ferry, so we walked on.


This well-respected teacher has been working as an energy conduit, as she describes herself, for the last twenty-seven years and she has extensive knowledge of human anatomy and healing the human energy fields. These are all areas I've been interested in for the last sixteen years at varying levels of depth and research. She gave us energy 'transmissions' through light language toward becoming "a more evolved type of human being, that is 'wired up' in a more vital and empowered way [so that] we will have a greater capacity to be and to create the changes that we want to see on our planet". (Judy Satori)


For those of you who are new to this area of DNA activation, perhaps it would help to write about my reaction to losing my hat. Bear with me. I was so angry. This hat had kept me warm and cozy for over twenty years. I loved it. At the same time I was aware that I was mourning a loss that had clearly become part of my identity over the years. I moved a lot growing up and as an adult, so having something I loved for that long was unusual.


I flip-flopped between angry and sad which certainly put a damper on my wonderful experience at the workshop. Then a thought flashed through my head. Perhaps my hat had become part of my ego more than I thought. What a perfect time to let go of this look my hat embodied. The look had everything to do with how I felt in it. I could be on the cover of Zoomer with my stylish hat. And that's when the voice inside whispered without even a hint of judgement, "It's your ego hat."


I knew it was true in an instant! I turned to my friend and said, "I think it's time to let go of that hat. I have other hats."


In the past, there would have been a period of mourning for months. There was another favourite hat I bought at the old Eaton's Center in downtown Vancouver. It disappeared suddenly when I moved to the Comox Valley (again) in 2001. I hunted for that hat like I'd lost my best friend.


The message I received was about attachment and ego. My hat had become a symbol of my identity and was another version of a false belief about being 'different' to deal with the trauma and sting of abandonment I experienced very early in my life. This day, I was able to uncover a false belief, move through anger and sadness to thankfulness and peace in less than 10 minutes. That's extraordinary progress! The DNA upgrade I received at the workshop made it possible to be aware of and deal with a deep wound in record time. The trip home was easy and fun.


Do I really need another hat? No, but I know another one is out there waiting for me to discover it just because I like to wear hats. I shall wear it with thankfulness and joy until it, too, decides to go walkabout.











 

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