Love to the moon and back!

Ahhh, the heart month. I couldn't resist taking this picture as I suggested my loving partner could share his chocolate! He's quite the comedian.

As yesterday's gifts of love, whatever they are, linger in our hearts, my memory goes back to the cards we usually made for all of our classmates. It was an effort to give everyone a small acknowledgement on the day, however, we always compared who got the most cards, not that all of us got some. I always felt uncomfortable with the practice of gift giving in the classroom because there were always some who didn't get very many and my heart would feel uncomfortable. I was a sensitive kid and felt other's feelings especially the bad ones like they were my own. Where's the love in that? No wonder Valentine's Day wasn't a day I looked forward to and then there's the questionable history. Wasn't Saint what'shisname, as a certain relative quipped recently, beheaded? No love in that, either.

I guess a gift of love depends on who you are and your relationship. I know my partner loves to buy me vintage jewelry and I love wearing it! He loves sweets. I like to find mugs I know he'll love and fill them with his favourites. We've been together for 26 years so there were also times when I made him a card and he wrote a love letter.

As an adult, the most precious love gifts to me are the moments we connect. It could be a shared coffee-spewing, belly-engaging vignette or something one of us says that's off the wall. It might be a look we both understand and recognize that says 'l delight in you', eyebrows raised and head tilted just a little. When two people love each other in that way, Valentine's Day seems superfluous, however, there's one thing, in my opinion, that redeems it. That one thing is loving each other so deeply that we can give each other something that honors and communicates how much the world is a better place with them in it.

Somehow, when there's a history of shared moments together, Valentine's Day can be a time to celebrate the evolution of our expressions of love. This year, as mobility issues are a part of our lives, we went to the local sweet shop and spent some quality time picking out our favourites together. I wanted to taste test my partner's chocolate, but he didn't hesitate to clutch his chocolate in a mock gesture of 'I don't think so'! I asked him to pose for my blog post and he delivered!

Looking at Valentine's Day from the last quarter of our lives, we celebrate time itself. Who knows how much time is left for any of us. Full circle from the chasing a pay-cheque years, we've slowed down enough to enjoy every day together most of the time. I still can't stand the sound of chips being crunched while I'm writing. He can't stand turning the News volume down to barely audible when I'm writing, so headphones for both of us should work well. That's the kind of gift we'd buy each other just to be able to exist in the same room enjoying our two different things together.

In my opinion, a day devoted to love just doesn't cut it. Love can't be confined to a day anymore than apathy can be confined to a border. The antidote to just a day devoted to expressions of love might be setting aside regular time to eat breakfast watching the ocean or listening to a song that makes both of you want to get up and dance. An expression I particularly love is when my partner, watching me drag my behind around the house at the end of a busy week says, "Can I buy dinner for us tonight?"

I used to say to my children when they were a bit older that relationships need tending. They're like setting up an account. Everyone starts with a full account. If you withdraw from it without putting anything back in, you'll be bankrupt in no time. If only one puts in more than they withdraw consistently just to sustain the account, one of you isn't putting anything back in. "But Mom, that doesn't make any sense," they'd say. I'd reply, "It's the balance that's important. Your account needs tending so it can grow. When everyone adds to the account, there'll be plenty for the times when we need to withdraw." Blank looks, or eye rolling 'there goes Mom again' usually followed, but their eyes would light up when they'd do something lovely without me asking and I'd say, "Your account is growing."

I'd also explain that loving them was not like an account. I loved and still love them all to the moon and back and, no matter what, that wouldn't change. That's how I feel about my partner, too. Our accounts never get even close to bankrupt because we do the work of sorting out our feelings, listening and respecting each other's foibles. We build our accounts daily, too, with moments that connect us. We're not perfect but we know, without a doubt, that the commitment to love each other to the moon and back is alive and real.

Happy Everyday for Loving!