What's Wrong with Power?

This character structure "needs to integrate his being, to build doorways between the beautiful rooms so that he has easier access to all the parts of his being." (See quote below.)

Power is a concept that evokes a deep unease within me. Think back to the bullies you've encountered, envisioning them encircling you, intent on intimidation. Being a shy nerd, I wasn't popular in school, but I luckily avoided most bullying. I brushed off the pretty bullies as best I could, yet an untamed power I felt within terrified me.

As I transitioned into adulthood, I explored the origins of my fear. I decided that examining my motivations might yield some insight. Financial struggles were a significant motivator, as I navigated university expenses. I ate raw carrots a lot for breakfast. The need for safety was another powerful influence; to protect myself, I diminished my presence and buried parts of my identity inside and out of sight. These two fears propelled me forward, but there was a deeper fear lurking beneath. Through research and self-reflection, I unearthed the source of my fear. I needed to integrate those hidden parts of myself, but I could not for fear that in the resulting uncontrolled power surge, I might explode or implode.

I stumbled upon a potential path forward. In her book "Hands of Light," Barbara Brennan introduces a method to integrate those concealed aspects without directly confronting the power that triggered my fear and concerns for safety. She outlines five character structures based on Wilhelm Reich's observations and studies. I recognized myself in her description of one character:

They are very creative people, with many talents and many creative ideas, who could be compared to a beautiful mansion with many rooms, each room tastefully and richly decorated in a different style, culture or period. Each room is elegant in its own right because the schizoid has had many lifetimes in which he has developed this wide range of talents (decorated rooms). The problem is that the rooms do not have doorways between each other. To get from one room to the other, the schizoid must climb out a window and down a ladder and up another ladder and into the window of the next room. This is very inconvenient. The schizoid needs to integrate his being, to build doorways between the beautiful rooms so that he has easier access to all the parts of his being.1. 

What an apt metaphor; anyone who knows me well would chuckle, as it accurately encapsulates my essence—immensely creative yet often taking the long and complicated route to accomplish tasks. My career journey reflects this versatility, spanning from dental receptionist to home stager, legal office worker, realtor, and private music teacher. Clearly, I have capabilities, yet the spectre of power still loomed large.

Brennan provided a vital clue—slowly integrating my being could facilitate access to all my parts, ultimately addressing my concerns surrounding an unhealthy power surge. As I matured and began this integration, I discovered that power could be a force for good rather than something to fear. Carolyn Myss offers a compelling perspective on perceiving reality through the power of the soul:

We must, it seems, shift to yet another realm of perception, a realm that is beyond conventional reason, in order to maneuver through the problems facing us…. This requires developing our intellectual and creative resources as well as our capacity to perceive the world through the power of our soul. In this way, what is impossible in the physical world of reason and logic becomes completely possible in our world of grace, mystical laws, prayer, and divine companionship.2.

While I embraced my creative power, the fear of wielding broader power remained unresolved. Was I truly fearful of my power, or was I reluctant to relinquish control over it? What about utilizing the power of the soul in broader contexts? In spiritual communities, we often fragment into different modalities, fostering hierarchies where we judge each other as possessing varying degrees of power or experience. Is a heartfelt conversation less impactful than instantaneous healing? Does EFT/Tapping outstrip the efficacy of Reiki? Given the uniqueness of human experiences, is it reasonable to expect one healing approach to serve us universally? Healing meets us where we are, transcending mere techniques.

Consider the absolute opposing concepts we frequently encounter: science versus soul, intellect versus emotion, spirituality versus materialism. Many perceive these as irreconcilable forces, but from a broader perspective, they can coexist harmoniously. Our soul unlocks creative potential and solutions; sharing these insights fosters mutual understanding. This soul energy is as tangible for me as scientific truth. The divide between science and spirituality may not be so insurmountable. My investigations led me to Dr. Paul Pearsall's findings:

Science has recently discovered three startling new possibilities regarding how we think, feel, love, heal, and find meaning in our life. This research suggests that the heart thinks, cells remember, and that both of these processes are related to an as yet mysterious, extremely powerful, but very subtle energy with properties unlike any other known force. If the preliminary insights regarding these prospects continue to be verified, science may be taking the first tentative steps to understanding more about what shamans, kahuna, priests, spiritual leaders, and healers from ancient traditional medicines have been teaching about for centuries—the energy of the human spirit and the coded information that is the human soul.3. 

Having finished my research for now, I pondered the consequences of concealing my true self and smothering my creative impulses against the backdrop of the fear of unchecked power. So, what was wrong with power? Unchecked power often disregards the greater good. Naturally, we desire our lives to unfold without obstacles, but when we discern our purpose and align with it, guided by our souls, we can become potent agents of change for the greater good. We all have desires, yet, as Carolyn Myss suggests, we must undergo an internal transformation, employing our hearts and souls to confront what lies within or ahead of us.

1Barbara Brennan, Hands of Light: A Guide to Healing Through the Human Energy Field, (Bantam Books, 1988), p. 247. Kindle.

2Carolyn Myss, Defy Gravity: Healing Beyond the Bounds of Reason (Hay House, 2009), p. 615-25. Kindle.

3Paul Pearsall, PhD., The Heart’s Code: Tapping the Wisdom and Power of Our Heart Energy, (Broadway Books, 1999), p. 4-5. Kindle.