
We might have a connection with trees or rocks, the universe, guides, soul, body or spirit but today's post is about connection between humans and not just any connection, either.
Connection has many layers. Let's connect and catch-up, says a friend you haven't seen for awhile. Can we connect to discuss the upcoming meeting? is an invitation from a co-worker to brainstorm about an upcoming event. I'd rather talk with you in person, says someone who wants to connect with you face-to-face about a sensitive subject in real time.
Let's go deeper about what connecting is and what function it performs as it pertains to people.
'Connection' embodies a sense of relationships to people and place—relationships that are enriched through the process of constant learning through different perspectives.
Bryna Campbell & Mike Murawski https://artnatureplace.com/blog/why-the-word-connection-means-so-much-to-us
Listening to others over time then weighing differing perspectives used to be a way to connect and refine our beliefs. It was called debate and involved a genuine attempt to understand another's viewpoint. We might ask more questions about the areas where we seem to disagree. We might give examples or sources we've found. We might not ever agree, but we can come away from the conversation with a positive connection, some insight into differing points of view and possibly know something new. That doesn't sound complicated but our polarized society today makes those who disagree with us the enemy.
What are the barriers to connection? Brené Brown gives it to us straight up:
…if I had to identify one core variable that drives and magnifies our compulsion to sort ourselves into factions while at the same time cutting ourselves off from real connection with other people, my answer would be fear. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of the pain of disconnection. Fear of criticism and failure. Fear of conflict. Fear of not measuring up. Fear.
Brown, Brené. Braving the Wilderness (p. 56). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
That covers just about all the reasons why connection is avoided, but I know from experience, that fear can be the catalyst for change and real connection when it's used as a gateway to first connect with ourselves, our 'darker selves' and our pain. I found myself at that fear doorstep awhile ago and was too worked up to go anywhere but through it. There was a reason my life was littered with people and events that were designed to help me look at myself, relieve the pain of the past, acknowledge and integrate my shadow side, connect with my soul, and thrust me into vibrant life with passion. Wow, did fear do all that? No, but facing those fears and feeling everything did help, and I didn't die.
If I could take you a little deeper into connection, let's explore what happens when one connects with themselves. Every one of us has experienced trauma of some kind and it takes a lot of inward searching to come to terms with the how, where, what and why of it all. Sometimes in that process our hearts get hidden or our throats can't seem to let us speak clearly. Perhaps our brains go fuzzy when we attempt to connect and be clear. Someone tells us our chakras are blocked. It's definitely a good place to start connecting with yourself. (Margaret Lynch Raniere's book Unblocked. )
Of course it's not that simple and usually one process leads to something else that needs attention like forgiveness, letting go of regret, spending more time in a meditative state, walking in nature, listening to your guides, and noticing small synchronicities. We tend to think our progress, our own evolution is linear. You do the steps, overcome all the obstacles and then you eventually succeed or make it to the highest peak somewhere, but is this connection, really?
Connecting with self opens many doors to finding out who you are inside. It also enables one to connect with others on a very different level. I believe that it is in relationships that we ferret out the ways we can connect in a deeper, more satisfying way. We've probably met someone we didn't know and found it immediately easy to talk and connect. It's exciting and pleasurable when we experience that bond and are able to express ourselves creatively and be understood.
What about that friend or family member you just can't relate to or has hurt you deeply and the only connection you have is a shared past? Why attempt to connect at all? That's a choice only you can make with those relationships but here's something to ponder before you make a choice. A connection is only a deep, uplifting connection, be it family, friend or stranger, when two people share their authentic selves with each other and the result is mutually inspiring. Speaking the truth, with no negative 'charge' or delivery, can achieve the same result even though beliefs may differ. Here's an example from my book due to be published in Spring 2025.
...it was a beautiful day in February 2022. My husband and I were in a store with our face masks on when a young man said to me, “I’m so happy I’m not wearing a mask”. I could hear the sharp intake of breaths and feel instant anxiety from several people in the lineup. His tone of voice wasn’t rude but it seemed to invite a rebuttal which would lead, no doubt, to an argument or situation about freedom. I answered quickly without thinking and in a way that expressed what I was truly feeling at the time, “I’m so happy I can feel any way I want with my mask on or off.” The young man was visibly taken aback and responded genuinely with some surprise, “That is such a great attitude.” He was beaming. The relief was palpable to the others standing in line and we all enjoyed friendly banter after that.
I learned a lot that day. To have a connection like that when we obviously had differing viewpoints was magical and lifted both our spirits. It taught me to not shy away from any perceived confrontation and to extend an olive branch of truth in word, attitude and deed. Here's one more event that happened when I was about eighteen.
There was just enough time to stretch my legs before I had to get back on the Greyhound Bus so I chose a street and walked for a bit. Completely absorbed in my thoughts, I just about didn't see the young man approaching from the opposite direction. He looked happy and was beaming but I was totally unprepared for what happened next. Without skipping a beat, he picked me up and whirled me around before putting me back down again and continuing on his way. It only took a second. I was gobsmacked and stood there watching him walk away from me with my mouth hanging open.
We were strangers and able to connect in a moment of pure joy. My gaping mouth turned to a grin, a smile and then head back, full blown laughter full of the wonder of the event. It felt magical. That's what I'm talking about when I say connection can be magical. Both of these events are the kind of connections that lift each other up despite polarized views and being strangers. They perform as glimpses into the very stuff life is made of and I can't wait to experience connection in that magical way again. Just a thought, it may not be a great idea to pick me up and whirl me around as my balance is not that of an eighteen year old anymore.
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