CONNECTION can be MAGICAL

We might have a connection with trees or rocks, the universe, guides, soul, body, or spirit, but today's post is about the connection between humans, and not just any connection, either.

Connection has many layers. Let's connect and catch up, says a friend you haven't seen for a while. Can we connect to discuss the upcoming meeting? is an invitation from a co-worker to brainstorm about an upcoming event. I'd rather talk with you in person, says someone who wants to connect with you face-to-face about a sensitive subject in real time.

Let's go deeper into what connecting is and what function it performs as it pertains to people.

'Connection' embodies a sense of relationships to people and place—relationships that are enriched through the process of constant learning through different perspectives. 

Bryna Campbell & Mike Murawski https://artnatureplace.com/blog/why-the-word-connection-means-so-much-to-us

Listening to others over time and then weighing differing perspectives used to be a way to connect and refine our beliefs. It was called debate and involved a genuine attempt to understand another's viewpoint. We might ask more questions about the areas where we seem to disagree, or give examples or sources we've found. Although we might not find common ground, we could still develop a positive relationship from the exchange, learn from each other's perspectives, and possibly discover something new. That doesn't sound complicated, but our polarized society today makes those who disagree with us the enemy.

What are the barriers to connection? Brené Brown gives it to us straight up:

…if I had to identify one core variable that drives and magnifies our compulsion to sort ourselves into factions while at the same time cutting ourselves off from real connection with other people, my answer would be fear. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of the pain of disconnection. Fear of criticism and failure. Fear of conflict. Fear of not measuring up. Fear.

Brown, Brené. Braving the Wilderness (p. 56). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

That covers most of the reasons we avoid connection, but I know from experience that fear can be the catalyst for change and genuine connection when we use it as a gateway to first connect with ourselves, our 'darker selves' and our pain. A while ago, I found myself on that fear doorstep, and I was too worked up to go anywhere but through it. There was a reason my life was littered with people and events that helped me look at myself, relieve the pain of the past, acknowledge and integrate my shadow side, connect with my soul, and thrust me into vibrant life with passion. Wow, did fear do all that? No, but facing those fears and feeling everything did help, and I didn't die.

If I could take you a little deeper into connection, let's explore what happens when one connects with themselves. Every one of us has experienced trauma of some kind, and it takes a lot of inward searching to come to terms with the how, where, what and why of it all. Sometimes in that process our hearts get hidden or our throats can't seem to let us speak clearly. Perhaps our brains go fuzzy when we attempt to connect and be clear. Someone tells us our chakras are blocked. It's definitely a Connecting with yourself is a great place to start. (Margaret Lynch Raniere's book Unblocked.)

Of course, it's not that simple, and usually one process leads to something else that needs attention like forgiveness, letting go of regret, spending more time in a meditative state, walking in nature, listening to your guides, and noticing small synchronicities. We think of our progress, our own evolution, as linear. You do the steps, overcome all the obstacles and then you eventually succeed or make it to the highest peak somewhere, but is this connection, really?

Connecting with self opens many doors to finding out who you are inside. It also enables one to connect with others on a very different level. I believe it is in relationships that we ferret out the ways we can connect in a deeper, more satisfying way. We've probably met someone we didn't know and found it immediately easy to talk and connect. It's exciting and pleasurable when we experience that bond and can express ourselves creatively and be understood.

What about that friend or family member you just can't relate to or who has hurt you deeply and the only connection you have is a shared past? Why attempt to connect at all? That's a choice only you can make with those relationships, but here's something to ponder before you make a choice. A connection is only a deep, uplifting connection, be it family, friend, or stranger, when two people share their authentic selves with each other and the result is mutually inspiring. Speaking the truth, with no negative 'charge' or delivery, can achieve the same result even though beliefs may differ. Here's an example from my book, which is due to be published in the future.

...it was a beautiful day in February 2022. My husband and I were in a store with our face masks on when a young man said to me, “I’m so happy I’m not wearing a mask”. I could hear the sharp intake of breath and feel instant anxiety from several people in the lineup. His tone of voice wasn’t rude, but it seemed to invite a rebuttal, which would lead, no doubt, to an argument or situation about freedom. I answered quickly without thinking and in a way that expressed what I was truly feeling, “I’m so happy I can feel any way I want with my mask on or off.” The young man, visibly taken aback, responded genuinely with some surprise, “That is such a great attitude.” He was beaming. The relief was palpable to the others standing in line, and we all enjoyed friendly banter after that.

I learned a lot that day. To have a connection like that when we obviously had differing viewpoints was magical and lifted both our spirits. It taught me not to shy away from any perceived confrontation and to extend an olive branch of truth in word, attitude and deed. Here's another event that happened when I was about eighteen.

There was just enough time to stretch my legs before I had to get back on the Greyhound Bus so I chose a street and walked for a bit. Completely absorbed in my thoughts, I almost didn't see the young man approaching from the opposite direction. He looked happy and was beaming, but I was totally unprepared for what happened next. Without skipping a beat, he picked me up and whirled me around before putting me back down again and continuing on his way. It took only a second. I was gobsmacked and stood there watching him walk away with my mouth hanging open.

We were strangers and able to connect in a moment of pure joy. My gaping mouth turned to a grin, a smile and then head back, full-blown laughter full of the wonder of the event. It felt magical. That's what I'm talking about when I say connection can be magical. These events are the kinds of connections that lift each other up despite polarized views and being strangers. They perform as glimpses into the very stuff of life, and I can't wait to experience connection in that magical way again. Just a thought, it may not be a great idea to pick me up and whirl me around as my balance is not that of an eighteen-year-old anymore.